Managing Expectations

Warning…. this is a real life post. Just transparency. Again, not trying to be negative or complaining but just telling how it really is.

When Nathan and I started dating (18 years ago) I quickly learned that he had two very memorable quotes that he tried to live by. One was “manage your expectations” and the other was “growing up is awkward.” I’m not sure if either one of these are original with him but I know that we have used them a lot since then.

Both of these quotes have been very useful. I know as we were young married people getting to know each other and how to live with each other we could use the “growing up is awkward” a lot and dealing with our children and other family members at times we use the “manage your expectations” quote.

When we were telling our family members that we were moving, and several times since then, I have heard my mom use the “managing my expectations” one. They all handled it very well but In some of our more honest conversations she has told me that she has to do that often.

This move has not been easy. Yes, social media makes everything look perfect and great but moving far away from family and dear friends is very difficult on everyone. And sometimes it just sneaks up on you.

Almost 2 years ago when we were trying to make this decision I remember feeling surprisingly calm about the decision. I think we were in a place where we were feeling overwhelmed and needing a change. Honestly, I had been looking at houses (for change) and also trying to figure out how I was going to change my work schedule to accommodate Benson’s new hours in middle school. In my profession nights and weekends are pretty busy and I was seeing how I was probably about to have to give that up. So when Nathan approached me with the idea I kind of surprised myself with how open I was to it.

Looking back, I do feel like it was the change we needed and I have no regrets. I do face challenges. I would face challenges if I was in The States as well and I realize that. My biggest challenge upon returning back to Costa Rica after being in the states for a month has been feeling a little bit like I have regressed.

If you would’ve told me two years ago that I would still not be fluent in Spanish and still have days where I wonder what in the world I’ve done I probably would have said no way to moving! I’m glad I didn’t know that in the beginning.

One of our challenges is that we are not exposed to much Spanish and have not learned as much as we expected at this point. That really bothered me this summer but I have decided to “manage my expectations” and move on. No, I’m not taking any Spanish classes right now but I am very involved at school subbing a lot and keeping busy in that way. 

Another one of the challenges that I’m having to manage is missing home which is funny because one of the things I told my mom when we were in the process of moving was that I was looking forward to going somewhere where no one knows my name. I love the show Cheers and that song is always in my head. But with the work that I was doing and being very involved in church I was kind of looking forward to removing myself from being ON all the time.

I also really miss our church family and the kids would be starting youth group. They have programs at the church we are at now but the kids aren’t just real comfortable there yet. When we were at home I really enjoyed seeing my kids enjoy Bible classes. 

I am an extreme introvert. Many people don’t realize that because I am able to function pretty well socially but I’m always exhausted when it’s over. Sometimes I mumble and talk too much and sometimes I just sit and observe others feeling very overwhelmed. Moving to a new place, especially a different country, causes you to come out of that comfort zone and it has been a long time and I’m exhausted!

I have listed a lot of our daily challenges on here before and I won’t do that again. I think the exhausting part is that I have not been able to go on auto pilot. Doctors appointments, driving, and even simple things like getting groceries is still difficult. It makes me frustrated at myself that I have not acclimated better and that is what is exhausting. 

I can’t change my personality but I’m trying to learn to be comfortable in this new existence. I’m having to be ON in a different way. I think I thought I would be much more further along in the acclamation experience at this point. This should be my new normal but it’s just not yet. Being home for Christmas I think really made me realize that.

I am OK, I don’t want anyone reading this to think that I am in a bad place. I just I am trying to be honest with myself and others about the difficulties of doing something so drastic. One wonderful thing about this time in our lives is that our kids are very happy. They have blown us away with how they have adjusted. Benson is headed to Orlando next month without us for a performing arts festival, Sloane has made some really sweet friends and is playing the drums and Blake Leigh is just growing and changing before our eyes. They are real troopers. They aren’t just making it through they are really thriving!

Nathan’s job is challenging and a really good fit for him.  I am really proud of him for taking this role head on and challenging himself. He has also had to “manage his expectations” and has been a great example to us.

My next plan in getting my spirits up is to try to plan a little beach trip or some thing with a girlfriend. Unfortunately, my weird family doesn’t like the beach so I may have to go by myself! I need to “manage the expectations” of where I would be at this point and always be looking for the positive. We live in a beautiful place and have some really sweet friends.Thank you to those who pray for us and keep the prayers coming!

Side note…… my mom retires in seven days and I couldn’t be happier for her! Bring on the flexibility and rest! 

3 thoughts on “Managing Expectations

  1. Thank you for sharing. Prayers! I’ve never lived in another country, but several times in a new town. I felt like a ghost. Mommas worry about how their children will thrive.

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  2. Hi Jennifer! Appreciate your honesty and how strong and positive you are! You hit a few cords with me, an introvert, leaving friends, (especially at this time in my life), feeling down, and trying to make the best of things. Missing the church and trying to be positive and find my place! But at the same time so thankful for health, time with grands and growing in other ways, more observant, trying to really listen, (hard for me 😊), feeling a real closeness with God and growing spiritually! I applaud your candor and will pray for strength and comfort in your situation and for lots of surprises and blessings for you and your family! Your doing great! Remember you don’t have to go to a foreign country to experience the feelings your having, basically we are all human, but the one thing we have that others don’t, is our Heavenly Father is always with us! Talk to Him! Hugs, ❤️, 🙏. Connie

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